Episode 12, The AWP: Mindfulness & Mastery of Technology

Episode 12, The AWP: Mindfulness & Mastery of Technology

Mobile devices, screen time and social media… while it is far too soon to see the full affect of these forms of technology on communities and history at large, there are some early correlations that should be respected.

There are correlations for anxiety and depression, for ADHD and for a number of neurological dysfunctions.

On a personal level, I feel addicted to my phone going to it for each additional hit of cortisol and adrenaline.

This habit has left me with wasted time and a shorter attention span for my wife and kids. I am interested in taking up a radical challenge in my life to create new habit-forming patterns. Will you join me?

See the actual challenge below and find me on Instagram for updates and accountability!

Please have a listen:

iTunes

MP4

Books:
Friction by Jeff Rosenblum and Jordan Berg
How to Raise a Wild Child by Scott D. Sampson
Simplicity Parenting by Kim Payne and Lisa Ross

Article links:
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/11/the-binge-breaker/501122/?utm_source=wdfb&mbid=social_fb (article on Tristen Harris, founder of HumaneTech)
https://tifwe.org/four-lessons-faith-work-brother-lawrence/ (how to be more mindful all day!)
http://humanetech.com/take-control/ (“Time well spent” organization and further tools!)
https://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/07/technology/07brainside.html (Tech affect on identity)
https://apple.news/AKVy8sR0PQ-GyXywLtFLVog (Article about AI and our kids)

The “No Phone Challenge”
1. In the waiting (use this time-as rob bell says-to think…)
2. During all meals (use this time to connect and commune)
3. Just after waking (use this time to pray, plan and fill) (cortisol is already high in the morning; its when I get my best work done!)
4. As a passenger (enjoy the ride instead)
5. One weekend morning-off limits till noon! (Use this time to be active, learn, rest, sabbath!)
6. Driving (use this time to drive)

Episode 11 (Part 1 & 2), The AWP: Growth Through Tough Things Featuring Bill Applebee

Episode 11 (Part 1 & 2), The AWP: Growth Through Tough Things Featuring Bill Applebee

Today, I welcome my dad to the show, Founder and CEO of Best Overnite Express, Bill Applebee and we’re talking about growth trough tough things.

Over 30 years of business and marriage and raising 4 kids he has faced numerous battles from economic crisis to health crisis and beyond.

We talk about facing the battles in life with a growth mindset that will better help you move to accept the tough things in your life.

The outlook of the episode is not just acceptance but growth and flourishing through a tough season or moment.

As in other shows, I used Paul David’s Tripp’s Parenting book for reference in this week’s parenting pro tip; you can us this link for his wonderful book.

Here is the mp4 link-PART 1.

Here is the mp4 link-PART 2

Here is the link for iTunes.

Here are some questions to consider after listening:

Application:
1. What is your response to tough things; indifference or acceptance?
2. Ask and answer the question why is this really happening to me?
3. Pause and consider how this circumstance may be an opportunity for growth.

Episode 9, The AWP: Get Unstuck, Use Your Dashboard

Episode 9, The AWP: Get Unstuck, Use Your Dashboard

Ever felt stuck or stagnant in your work or relationships because you’ve lost track of what the point behind it all is…?

You may be in need of a dashboard…

Dashboard, defined as a ‘picture of performance.’ Like the dashboard of a car, everyone needs a crystal clear AND visible dashboard for progress and destinations.

We have all been stuck, unsatisfied or void of purpose in work or life and for many different reasons. One that is cheif among them-I would bet-is a lack of vision for where you’re going AND how you’re doing getting there!

That’s where a dashboard would be helpful for creating clear and visible goals for your relationships, families and organizations.

The beauty of the dashboard is not just focus on the destination, but attention to the ups and downs of the journey.

Here is the episode audio file.

Here is the iTunes link.

Here are 3 questions to ask about moving from stuckness and plateau into passion in your work, life or family.

The 3 questions:

1. What’s your fight?

2. What’s your position?

3. Are you competing?

Application:

1. Create a dashboard that’s based off of a 1, 3 or 5 year plan (for your Prefered future, desired outcomes or goals)

2. Fill the dashboard with some of the things you want to see movement on

3. Review it early and often (otherwise its not a VISIBLE dashboard at all)

4. Use new numbers (not merely budgets or bottom lines; go beyond numbers to find what you really want to measure along the way)

Here are some Sources for further reading-each one of these guys are giants in this area (compared to me!)

–>Paul David Tripp book on Parenting https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Gospel-Principles-Radically-Change/dp/1433551934/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1530216267&sr=8-1&keywords=parenting+by+paul+david+tripp

–>Ravi Zacharis https://rzim.org

–>Chris McChesney and people knowing they are playing a winning game; has a book out but also found here: https://www.franklincovey.com/speakers-bureau/chris-mcchesney.html

–>Craig Groeschel on Declarative Statements https://openblog.life.church/the-power-of-personal-declarations/

Are You a Leader that People Love to Follow?

Are You a Leader that People Love to Follow?

I have exciting things coming in 2018 that I can’t wait to tell you about but for now let me leave you with this question…

Are you a leader people love to follow?

As 2017 comes to a close, we all find ourselves at the wonderful intersection of looking back and looking forward.

(Don’t miss that part by the way-looking back. There’s learnings and lessons and all the good with the bad; you’d be a fool if you didn’t devote a serious portion of your thought life and let all of that inform you goals, hopes and dreams for 2018).

As you look back and look ahead, I want you to ask that question and I’ll be doing the same.

To get you started, I want to give you a surprisingly beautiful picture of why, of all the questions, this should be the question for you in 2018.

And I want us all to be reminded of our legacies in this picture. That’s what the end and beginning of each year builds anyway-our lifelong legacies.

It happened early this month watching (for the first time) the mid-century classic White Christmas with the wife and kids.

There’s this opening scene on the front lines of WWII and if you know anything about the film, of course, the guys break out in song.

It is the content of this one old Hollywood musical classic that is haunting me… and it goes like this:

We’ll follow the old man wherever he wants to go

Long as he wants to go opposite to the foe

We’ll stay with the old man wherever he wants to stay

Long as he stays away from the battle’s fray

Because we love him, we love him

Especially when he keeps us on the ball

And we’ll tell the kiddies we answered duty’s call

With the grandest son of a soldier of them all

I mean part of it is a satire because they only wanna follow him so long as he steers clear of any danger, and yet we all know that part’s not the picture of real life-hence the satire.

Real life is a battle; you’ll face foes both spiritual and natural-this was true in 2017 like it’ll be true in 2018. The defining moment for every leader is the repeated facing of decisions through conflict. Those who fought in WWII and any conflict since then would assuredly attest to this.

So if you can take the satire for what it is, then it’s: “We love him… we’ll follow him wherever he goes…”

That’s influence you cannot buy.
That’s a leadership built on love.
That’s a legacy of fear-no-evil followership.

The romantic side of me loves the military allusion and respects the character required to attain the rank of General (who this song is devoted to).

The Jesus-follower in me understands the fundamental difference between leadership by power, force, merit, rank or even pay and leadership by humility, compassion and peace-brokering martyrdom.

Which one inspires you more? Which one would you give your life for?

You think the disciples felt that way about Jesus? I bet you they did. Every last one of them followed him all the way to their own gruesome deaths. All for the leader they loved.

Can and will your people say the same? Your kids… your staff… your team… your employees… your church?

Man I sure hope so.

And because I know I’m not there yet, I want to be willing to have the passion, grit and discipline to do the things necessary to get there… starting today, tomorrow and 2018.

What are some of your hopes for 2018?

Speak Like Your Voice is Gone Tomorrow 

Speak Like Your Voice is Gone Tomorrow 

Words that have been used to describe my speaking style: “enthusiastic… high energy… contagious… passionate.”

If you want to see if this is true, see for yourself…

What I want people to know is two things:

1, This comes from a place down deep in my heart that longs to be an agent of change in the lives of others and;

2, I act like every time that I’m given an audience, it will be my last.

(3, You can make passionate pleas in your own way too.)

With so much going on in the world today-hurricanes, earthquakes, wars, famine, disease and destruction-I can’t imagine another way of thinking.

I take the realities of our world coupled with the hope that I live for (that there is a Sovereign God that is orchestrating all of history and will send his son again one day AND that he will come “like a thief in the night” Matthew 24:42-44) and I think:

I had better get busy living, spreading life by speaking life.

So when you see my passion, don’t be mistaken-it ain’t mindless hype, it ain’t noise and it certainly ain’t because I think too highly of myself.

It IS however how highly I view our message.

How many of us miss opportunities to speak the word we really feel motivated to bring… every day, hour over hour, text, phone call and face to face meeting with family, friends and coworkers everyday?

One of my greatest irrational fears is that I’ll suffer a traumatic brain injury that will result in lack of speech; inability to formulate and communicate ideas.

I know… irrational. But at the same time, accidents do happen… look no further than the motor vehicle we climb into every day. I don’t live by this fear; this fear is not the motivation; real and present danger isn’t either.

My aim is not to drive fear. That’s not our message. Far from it…

The message is this:

With tomorrow not guaranteed, what are we doing with the voices that God has given us?

Fabulous orator or not, we each have a voice and our time is limited (by eternal standards). You don’t have to be a pastor, prophet or boss either, but I urge you:

  • Today, don’t have regrets about holding back
  • Today, share the word (encouragement, life, hope, truth) you have for another
  • Today, use your voice to be a voice for the voiceless
  • Today, leverage your influence by giving voice to life change

Vision Alone is not Vision At All

Vision Alone is not Vision At All

This last month that was one of my greatest learnings…

You can have literally the best idea in the whole world, you can communicate it with all the style and grace imaginable, but if you have not people, you have nothing.

I’ve said it to a couple different groups of people now-the staff team I’m a part of, a group of volunteers during a training event and then I think I may have given the same speel to the entire church that we lead but what I’m learning last month, this week, this moment is:

You can have the most tremendous vision in the world, but if people aren’t invited along, have as much buy-in as you do and you are all moving together, then you will simply be alone on an island called vision. And that’s not where any of us want to be as leaders.

Most of what I’m talking about has to do with leading change, by the way. And now that I’m finally reading John Kotter’s seminal work by the same name-things are beginning to come into even greater focus.

The Kotter model has to do with an 8-step process for leading change and one of the “unskippable” early steps is creating a coalition for change… WITH at least some people who have power.

Before finally stealing this book from another pastor, I had been listening to an Andy Stanley podcast wherein he was interviewing the former Home Depot CEO, Frank Blake.

Blake gives yet another tremendous model, equation rather, that supports the same principle; he says:

i X a = e. OR

IDEA times ACCEPTANCE equals EFFECTIVNESS.

In other words, we as leaders often get trapped in our little vision caves where we fully orb this new idea, change effort or cultural direction and it is birthed in a vacuum of 1.

We then run out and tell the world about it, praying for a mutual sense of excitement, and yet how could they-they had no hand in the evolution of this idea?

Blake suggests getting the idea to 80% and then inviting the “coalition” or the people or the team or the influencers in and together forging the last 20%. In this way we will be working toward far greater impact and effectiveness.

So I have this book, I have my podcast and yet I have another source of input waking me up to this principle over the last few weeks.

A friend, and fellow leader at our organization, came along and said, ‘Ben I think you just need to over-communicate in this season of change.’

He went on saying, ‘people here have experienced haphazard and chaotic change-making processes that leave people somewhat sensitive to any sort of change.’

This, on top of the fact that most of the known world is change resistant already! (Despite the classic saying that change is perhaps the only constant in life!).

In your leadership wherever you are-family, church, business-learn from these greats and from my mistakes and:

1. Build a coalition for change (that includes at least some people with real power)

 

2. Work toward more acceptance by inviting people into the creative processes earlier

 

3. Over-communicate. I’ll use a recent quote a heard (Craig Groeschel via Thom Rainer from Groeschel’s latest podcast post on developing leaders):

As people are learning, they are forgetting.

This is especially true within the context of fresh vision and leading change, because we already have a natural sense of resistance.

I love and appreciate you all.

If you haven’t seen my last post, please look at it and even scan to the end: I am requesting some census data on the book you would like to read next! DO IT AND HELP A BROTHER OUT!

No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk

No Use Crying Over Spilled Milk

So this week’s post was supposed to be about all my tremendous learnings from a leadership conference from the first week of the month, but we are going to have to call a major audible.

After getting just “owned” by the kids these last of weeks and feeling lighter on patience than we have in a long time, my wife and I agreed that this week’s post was about the age-old idiom:

There’s no use crying over spilled milk…

Defined as: getting upset over something that already happened, that cannot be changed

Couldn’t actually find the origin of the phrase but it seems hundreds of years old, because some guy names James Howell was talking about it as early as 1659.

So it is that since the 1600s and probably before that, people were still fussing over that which they cannot control, still fretting over something that cannot be undone… only now responded to.

I have a feeling that when it comes to control in the chaos (seeming anyway), we have permission to go much further back than that!

But before going back in time, let us begin in the year of our Lord 2017, the summer of which has been filled with much “fun and excitement”…

Sometimes the kids get into things… here’s a wrap sheet from 1.5 days this past week, Let us count the blessings:

  • The toddlers dip into the BBQ grease pan and trounce the patio with it. For those who are unfamiliar, this grease it is an incredibly intense sludge that leaves permanent stains to all wood and concrete that it comes into contact with…
  • One of the toddlers, who will remain nameless… SHEPHERD decides to sprint for the white sofa covered nearly head to toe in fresh mud (yes, after being told to stop and wait at the door)
  • This same, said toddler, was found atop the refrigerator digging into a bottle of kids probiotics and a bag of chocolate chips (both hidden and tucked to the back of the fridge) at approximately 6:10 am while I was sitting on the toilet. Note to parents and prospective parents: always remember just not to go to the bathroom by yourself anymore after your kids have reached a certain age… turns out they are very curious, very precocious… in the case of this kid-downright mischievous.
  • And yes of course there has been untold numbers of rice bowl flip flops left and right on the kitchen floor, juices, waters and milks

All of this on top of our garden variety stuff….

We get called in twice a month now to visit our foster baby’s birth mom-always a bit of a harrowing experience-she is a raw and broken woman and yet we are called to pray for her and love her.
We got 5 kids, two of which are, what we call, twin toddlers, one 7-month old that still hasn’t figured out how to put themselves to sleep- go figure?! And to top it all, Rylee has just been just exhausted… you’d think she was pregnant or something…

But all of those things up there are just a prime example of… say it with me people…

SPILT MILK!

So seriously what is the freaking fuss about?!

Rice can be picked up or swept up (sticky by painful stickiness as it may be), we have all the paper towels in the world from Costco for the other messes, we have a washer machine (for now) that gets to work on the couch cushions and, well, a backyard that is precisely that-an outdoor space for wreaking havoc on!

But I guess it’s just fun to fuss, isn’t it…?

It’s necessary to vent and piss and moan, isn’t it…?

I don’t know, but I honestly must feel that way for how much crankiness and drama I put out in response to each one of their “spills.”


Here’s the best I can figure and here’s your leadership lesson (leading in love, leading in work or leading in life):

1, is learning to call it what it is (spilt milk)

It’s just a circumstantial (momentary) reality that hasn’t taken a life or crippled or maimed you in any serious way.

If it’s spilt milk, it means that its small potatoes in the grand scheme of things. Be willing to put those “small potatoes” in context and proper proportion of how much they are allowed to impact you.

2, accepting that you cannot control

This is 12-steps classic right here, but anyone in recovery will tell you that this is step 1. Why? Because it’s just that important and it’s the proper starting place!

Stop trying to skip steps and definitely stop trying to control something that ALREADY HAPPENED! The best and sweetest (and most peaceful!) place we can all submit ourselves to be is in relinquishing control.

3, control what you can… your response

My wife’s best prescription? Laughter.

And I’m inclined to agree with her… I just take myself too darn seriously sometimes! So lets agree to CUT IT OUT! And just laugh at that ridiculous blouse-ending grease stain… what’s our favorite article of clothing anyway, but TOTALLY REPLACEABLE!?

So whether you laugh or take 3 big breaths or have a quick walk or say a prayer, your response matters a lot.

It matters for your own personal compounding stress; it matters for collateral damage (in those around you) and it matters in terms of your faith. And that brings me to the final thing I’ll say…

As much as these are the “small potatoes” and “spilt milk” incidents of life, they are not incidental.

Our lives are built on the small moments.

After all, that is what our lives are composed of, in the end, aren’t they? An incredible tapestry of all the small moments.

And take hope, because I’ve also been reminded on more than one occasion that our God is the God of small moments. That’s where he’s doing his work, building our faith, establishing our legacy and building those who are following us.